Agents of Smorrk

 "Mechanical Urk" (model, 10" high)

I can never remember if its two K's or two R's. 

BLASTA-DHONN: SM's New 1/42 Scale Kit Will Have Crypt Lords Drooling

I was fortunate enough to have been sent a preview sample of the upcoming Blasta-Dhonn in glorious 1/42nd scale by Chicago based Schwartzpunk Models. This is the latest kit to literally crawl forth from the ichor tanks of their production house and also the 4th offering of the "Classic Creepazoids in Plastic" series. 

The kit comprises of 9 parts molded in grey polystyrene. The fit is excellent for a Limited Run kit, indeed minimal cleanup will be needed to get this critter up and laying waste to hapless crypt openers. The two stalwarts of C-N-C already know the ferocious history of these creepazoids, "they have twin bio-cannons that can discharge super dense fecal matter clods accurately at speeds greater tan 160 feet per Na-nuta...upon birth they take a single breath and live on will power alone...they loathe every living thing". Crypt Lords revel in the raw power these give them in both ranged and close quarter combat.

A shot of the asexual nether regions of this beast. Note the accuracy of the puckering of non-essential biomass.

All nine parts showing the cleanliness of the moldings. This will have the modeler in you totally "stoked".

We have seen two of these kits already, the obsequious Orbo "The Great" and Megamumu. Strangely, SM brought us a Fighting Scroatt, which is not listed. There are rumors that the Hairy Mormon is next to be released. If true we look forward to the backlash ranging from religious groups to the billion dollar hair removal industry. 

Many thanks to Nesbitt Pepperpot who was kind enough to send this preview sample along. It is much appreciated!

Vascular Stalker, Poprockazoid, Other Worldly Lard Ass, Snareoid and Hornettes

Vascular Stalker

Size: 12 feet tall

Number: 1

Movement: 50 feet per Na-nuta

Disposition: Looking for pure organs

Heat vision: Yes and can sense a heart most pure like a compass up to 10 miles.

Surprise: +2

CHP: 12d12 (2d12)

Muscle Power: 12 + 1d12 (Ave 19) (+1)

Cerebral Energy: 6 + 3d6  (Ave 16)

Nimbality: 2d6 (Ave 7)

Armor: Fat: +1

Blind Panic: 60%

Description: No one knows what foul temple laboratory these things spawn from. These creatures are mystically drawn to beings of pure heart and live only to rip them from their living host and feast upon them. Each mouthful adds the bonuses listed in parentheses, above. Vascular Stalkers are clever hunters, they will follow their victims for months or even years at a time.

Attacks/Defenses:

x2 leg scythes: inflicts 2d8 PHP +MPB each.

x2 tubular suckers: range of 25 feet can suck objects as large as a gargo-goat or rip off 2d6 PHP section of flesh. When attacking a creature with a pure heart, tubular suckers inflict double damage.

x1 bite: victim must be within 10 feet, inflicts 4d6 PHP loss.

These creatures have the abilities of a 1d4th grid sneak.

Live Action Rule: Upon meeting this creepie, each player secretly writes down which among their group is most foul. The Crypt Lord collects the votes and the Vascular Stalker will ignore the winning persona during combat. (Note, the results are kept secret).

Poprockazoid

Size: 1-2 feet tall

Number: 1, 1d6, 3d6

Movement: 0

Disposition: Restful and/or alert (I'm watching you miss Robinson...)

Heat vision: Yes

Surprise: +12

CHP: 1d6

Muscle Power: 1d6

Cerebral Energy: 1d4

Nimbality: 1d4

Armor: Rock shell, +2

Blind Panic: 10%

Description: These creatures typically are found in rock piles within underground caves. Anytime a warm creature gets within 10 feet of one of these they instantly pop open revealing a large watchful eye that emits a soft yellowish beam of light. The beam is 30 feet long and 10 feet wide. The eye is connected to a leathery stalk and will only go back to sleep once there is no warmth or motion within 30 feet for 3 Deca-nutas.

Attacks/Defenses:

None.

Live Action Rule: It is said, if you stare into the eye of a Poprockazoid long enough, you can see what they have seen. To simulate have a staring contest with the Crypt Lord. If you win, he/she/it must tell you something useful that the Poprockazoid has seen. If you lose...you have a permanent yellow spot in your vision for the rest of the PEOG that has a -10%/-2 effect on any action using your eyes.

Other Worldly Lard Ass

Size: 8 foot cube

Number: 1

Movement: 60 feet per Na-nuta and spiritual manifestation

Disposition: “Yawn”

Heat vision: Yes

Surprise: +6

CHP: 1d6

Muscle Power: n/a

Cerebral Energy: 2d10 (10)

Nimbality: 12 + 1d12 (19)

Armor: Slack +8

Blind Panic: 80%

Description: Spiritual beings of pure slack, they are drawn to this dimension during periods of great activity to restore balance. There is a 1% chance during any stressful or vigorous activity (such as a pitched battle) that one of these spiritual beings will appear to restore balance. 

Attacks/Defenses:

These creatures may never be harmed on purpose. The only things that affect them must be accidental.

When this being appears, all creatures within the area (usually 100 foot radius, or as defined by the Crypt Lord) must make successful blind panic rolls each Na-nuta or fall asleep. The OWLA will remain for 1 + 1d4 Na-nutas or until all the creatures in the area are asleep. Sleep lasts 1d7 days and restores all lost PHP.

Live Action Rule: Any player who can keep their head down for 5 minutes and not be bothered or make any sounds will appease the Other Worldly Lard Ass and it will be satisfied and leave immediately.

Snareoid

Size: 4 feet fern with 2d20 foot long snare vines

Number: 1, or clump of 2d6

Movement: 0

Disposition: Devious

Heat vision: No

Surprise: +15

CHP: 1d6

Muscle Power: Vines have 2d10 (11)

Cerebral Energy: 1d4

Nimbality: 1d4

Armor: Thorns +1

Blind Panic: 15%

Description: Thorny ferns with long vines that snake around the ground waiting for the unwary. Sure, they love little meaty tidbits. Shoes...blehhh! Note, some beings have been able to train these plants as guardians and spray various toxins on their thorns….

Attacks/Defenses:

x1, or 2, or 3 snare attacks: If a persona is surprised, the snare grabs around a leg (or other support appendage) and reels the victim 1d20 feet towards the main body of the plant which is covered in thorns that inflict 1d8 PHP loss per Na-nuta.

Live Action Rule: Anyone caught touching a non-worn, non-furniture plant is instantly grabbed by a snare from the nearest Snareoid and attacked.

Hornettes

Size: 30 foot fadial mass

Number: Thousands

Movement: 100 feet per Na-nuta

Disposition: Perturbed

Heat vision: No

Surprise: 0

CHP: Special

Muscle Power: n/a

Cerebral Energy: 2d8 (9)

Nimbality: n/a

Armor: n/a

Blind Panic: 25%

Description: Hgp sized winged insectoids that live in mud nests. If the nest is disturbed, they will form a defensive swarm to drive away intruders.

Attacks/Defenses:

Anyone in the 30 foot radial footprint is affected by the maddening tooting of the thousands of insect tongues. All individuals must make a successful insanity factor check each Na-nuta. Failure means they must stop the dreadful sound. This means doing everything in their power, up to ripping their ears off to make it stop. Once affected, the sound never stops, it lives inside the head of the victim until the swarm peacefully retreats back into the nest.

Live Action Rule: Anyone who can spot a live insect can make an insanity factor check to throw off the effects of the Hornettes. This can also be passed to another player.

Whisp-Lock

Whisp-lock

Size: 10 feet
Number: 1
Movement: floats 50 feet per Na-nuta
Disposition: Performs acts of evil to prove itself
Heat vision: Yes
Surprise: +4
CHP: See hair color, below
Muscle Power: 2d12 (Ave 12)
Cerebral Energy: d12+14  (Ave 26)
Nimbality: d6+8 (Ave 11)
Armor: None, however may only be harmed by creatures who themselves are bald.
Blind Panic: 65%

Description:

These malign creatures are as feared as they are rare. A Whisp-loc is created when a Gargo-goat eats a single strand of a sleeping female Arcanists hair during a gibbous moon. The creepazoid is released 12 days later from the excrement fully formed. It’s sole desire is to outperform (by a factor of at least ten) the Arcanist donor in every way. To accomplish this it will use the most direct and immoral means necessary to inflate its ego. Whisp-locs have the same abilities as an Arcanist (including combat arts, MERP and spell usage). If you meet one, run. These things void insurance covenants at 1,000 yards. Good luck. 

Attacks/Defenses:

x2 claw slashes inflict 1d8 PHP each (cannot use these attacks and cast a spell).

May set fire to itself (inflicting normal burning damage), however the effect is so olfactorily vile that all creatures in a 60 ft radius must pass an insanity factor check or suffer an effect from the Freakout matrix (p:130).

May completely unravel to escape. This takes 1d4 Na-nutas and the 100 meter strand can slither into the smallest space at a speed of 160 feet per Na-nuta.

Hair Color: Roll a d4

1) Gray: CHP: 14d4/Arcanist Grid 4

2) Black: CHP: 16d4/Arcanist Grid 5

3) Blonde: CHP: 18d4/Arcanist Grid 6

4) Red: CHP: 20d4/Arcanist Grid 7

Live Action Rule:

If the Crypt Lord catches any player fiddling with their hair the combat sequence is instantly reset to the beginning of a new Na-nuta. All actions that may have been performed are lost. As always to start the new Na-nuta scroll, pincer, ingot is used to see which side strikes first. However, the player side is restricted from using ingot during the determination.

The lowdown on the “Weird” non-popular game stats: Some of the terms can be intuited and converted. If this seems an arduous task simply leave a nice note in my comments and I’ll throw some stats together for that unmentionable more popular game. The other option is to...never mind.

The Making of a Gelloid

Here is the next bit of artwork for the game.

Paper model, photographed and then worked over in Photoshop:

This is the final art for a Gelloid.

I promise myself, I cannot overwork this thing any longer.  Here is the process:

This is the original art in the game.  Typical and boring.

I did a number of thumbnails...this was the one that I liked.

A more refined version.

Which led to this...

...maybe good for therapy, but just left me feeling like I had wasted my time.

So then I got all Artsy-fartsy and spit this out.

Photoshop did not make it any better.  My artistic skills are (fill in the blank), but this just looked terrible.

At this point I had finished the Fooglian Mobile Armored Throne...So I built a crypt set.

More of the set.

Leaving me with this image, which I did not like.  Shoulda just took a pic of the butter in the fridge.

I re-built the Gelloid and rephotographed this morning and ended up with the top image...

At least it's interesting.  Cheers!

New Creepy Art Part II

It may appear that not much is happening, but hard at work on the Lulu Rulebook...

Cattoid...

Embellished Gargorat...

...and Dead Thang.  Comments welcome.  Enjoy!

New Creepy Art

...or is it Creepie?  Here are some samples of the new artwork that is being added to C-N-C:

Three of these are mine,  The Bark Waif is one of Doug's.  I am adding 10 new creeps to the core book.  Additionally, each Creepy will have a unique illustration.  I'll be working round the clock to get the new version done ASAP.  Enjoy!  Comments welcome!

Gargofiend (or "Have you had your cargo screened?")

Gargofiend

Size: 3 feet tall

Number: 1, 2, 3, 4-5, 2d4...

Move: 30/90 (special TT)

Disposition: Pesky little devils

Heat Vision: Yes

Surprise: 0 (+6 if TT)

CHP: 1d8+2

Muscle Power: 2d6

Cerebral Energy: 1d12

Nimbality: 1d6

Armor: +1 Chitinous bumps

Blind Panic: 25%

Live Action Rule: If any player at the table says any of the following:

"Fiend" add 1d10 Gargofiends

"Gargofiend" add 2d10 Gargofiends

"Gargofiends" add 2d20 Gargofiends

Rymes with "Gargo" or "Fiend" 3d20 each rhyme

(in the case of the pit, they teletransport up onto the bridge next to the persona uttering the offending word).

Attacks:

x1 horn rake for 1 PHP damage

x2 claws for 1d4 PHP damage each

Special:

A Gargofiend may teletransport once a day up to 1,000 feet or to any player who breaks the above LAR.

Description: These diminutive crab clawed fiends have but a single eye that never blinks.  They are slimy, repulsive and covered with festering bumps.  No one knows where they come from.  The Moot of Fooglee has hundreds of these hideous creatures trapped in an open pit under the rope bridge leading to the main gate of the city. "Gargoshushers" patrol the entrance to keep those entering the city from uttering restricted words.

Above, the original thumbnail, then the first inking.  Layout inspired by DAT from original MM. Comment on which you like best, personally I like the pupil centered under the claw tip better.

Gargocoon

Here is the first of many Creep additions to the game, one area I dare say where the hardcover falls short.  Eventually, all the new Creeps will be collected into C-N-C V2.  Or the earth will fuse solid.  I have also included here a handy "coon" rhyming matrix for its resplendent LAR (Live Action Rule).  Cheers!

 

Rhyming Matrix for Coon
Rhymes	Almost Rhymes	Does not rhyme
Harpoon	Entomb	Plinth
Impugn	Dune	Spork
Spoon	Hewn	Indefatigable
Pantaloon	Rangoon	Pie