Wednesday, September 19, 2018

'Yon of Ofaz Session #8

Your Collar Awaits:

Everyone falls asleep eventually. It brings rejuvenation and, “oh look now we are wearing these cool new collars”. They are a thin metal band (strange, no clip or fastener) and a dull translucent red triangle on the front.

A note on the players present. Our story of the exploration of the “City Of Diamonds” continues with Lyn, DurBurDuke and his faithful roboservant Squires. Many of the players are now away at college. The way I run, if an owning player isn’t present to play their character, a plot device is created to explain this. I don’t let players play more than one persona at a time so that there aren’t “extras” hanging around in the group (so called hirelings, or trap fodder). So, if your wondering why I’m not recording what Fred, Topper, Mortimer and Chris-Tle are doing, it's because they are getting a higher education. 

Left to right: Lyn, Robin, Simon, DBD and Squires.
DurBurDuke (DBD)  instructs his roboservant to attempt to try and remove its collar. No luck, the collar has been riveted to the machines metal neck and slipping out of it only activates a hidden mechanism which causes all wearers of the devices to be stunned and writhe in agony. DurBurDuke then commands the robot to crush the triangular device on the band around his neck. The faithful servitor puts his robot claw to his master’s neck and begins squeezing. The red triangle  cracks and gets white hot. Before it can burn a hole through his throat the roboservant tosses it to the floor where it melts. Without pausing, work begins on removal of the roboservants collar.

Robin Froth

Simon Snakeman
Meanwhile, a pair of Smorkk Back Checkers* have teletransported into the complex via a TSL* (Teleportal Seed Link) attached to one of the “City of Diamonds” many victims. The first is a Hume dressed much like the ninja (page 13 of the core rule book) who calls herself Robin Froth. The other is Humanoid shaped bag of 101 snakes calling himself Simon Snakeman. This creature pines to become “a real boy”. These two have a history together as competitors in the the hit crystal orb show “Freedonian Ninja”. Allegedly, Simon lost to Robin because she cheated. But, bygones are bygones and they are now friends working together for Smorkk* collecting unpaid product delivery. Shortly after appearing Lyn (the Gynll) enters the room. After some quick introductions they all decide to go up a few levels in the futuristic complex and meet up with the rest of the troupe.

* Smorkk, Smorkk Back Checkers & TSL
The three press the chime on DurBurDukes door. They find the two making various plans to get the remaining collar off Squires, the robot butler. They only have a few moments of peace before four red and black leather clad minions show up behind them, all holding open collars to place onto the bare necks of the newbies. A struggle breaks out, the minions of Mamiss are blasted by an EMP gun, bitten by at least one snake and another is sucked into a magical bag. Simon uses the miracle Blow Smoke to cause confusion so they can all run into the egg shaped elevator. Upon reaching the main floor, they exit into the main work space. It is filled with a gigantic folded up conveyance measuring 40x40x120 ft. It has two 40 foot diameter wheels and gingerbread styling like the kind typically found on a 1860’s era steamboat. As the group skulks around, Mamiss glides in on her boot jets, followed by six of her leather clad and helmited minions, all holding collars of obedience. DBD steps out, points the EMP weapon at the folded up machine and says “Let us leave or I’ll destroy your invention”.


Mamiss laughs not unlike Peter Lorre on an opium kick (page 5 of the core rule book). She invites DBD to destroy the machine. She wonders aloud if he has the guts to destroy something so beautiful. Finally she offers the group the chance to pilot the machine in a test run across the mighty Aanssk Desert. The troupe mulls the offer offer over for a few seconds and DBD answers “no, we just want to leave". Mamiss is somewhat disappointed and disgusted. The huge 40 foot door on the side of the pyramid slowly rises as Mamiss and the minions turn and disappear. Outside a new storm is brewing. It is unclear how much time there is until the plasma balls begin rising from the ground and exploding in ricocheting electrical bolts. (For the proper effect insert a random # of groans here). DBD and Squires jump onto the Krag board and head back towards the Blorg homestead. Lyn follows. The two newbies, Simon and Robin decide to stay within the mighty pyramid.

Until next time!
(Below are my further notes on Smorkk:)

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

'Yon of Ofaz Session #7

Talking Like Peter Lorre On An Opium Kick or YES, IT'S A TRAP:

The troupe L to R: Mortimer, Squire, Oda, DurBurDuke,
Topper, Fred, Chris-Tle, Olga and Lyn.
It seemed like ages ago that this group was sipping garlic wine from ceramic tiki glasses high above The Wall on the Razorbait. A few days of adventuring somehow seems stretched into weeks. No matter, the fateful words of the server who brought that last fateful round of adult beverages now rings out “...oh look down there, that’s the City of Diamonds beyond The Wall, a vast unexplored place of riches from which no one has ever returned”. And now here it it is, gleaming brightly on the horizon, twinkling like a tired sequin on Liberace's blazer. A few short hours of trekking brings it full on, or at least the red glowing triangles that surround its perimeter. It’s been a long night, even the Urks are anxious to heal back a few personal health points the old fashioned way. The fabulous riches can wait.

The morning brings the bounty of a few PHP for everyone. As the sun rises the red glow is suddenly replaced with the stark white light rebounding off the polished metal surfaces of the triangle farm surrounding the cities base. The heat is palpable, small winged creatures which fly into the area are instantly microwaved, some of the carcasses plummet and disappear between the triangles, others simply vaporize instantly. The heat wiggles it’s way upwards around the massive featureless gray pyramid. Halfway up the pyramid is a 200 foot diameter rotor. It swings around the circumference like a derelict ceiling fan. The air is thick and no one has moved for at least a full deca-nuta, staring at this monstrous bland structure. It is featureless, mostly because it’s been a long adventure and features take a certain amount of energy to describe.

Cyclone Werks
Suddenly, without even a quick text to speech, Topper rockets upward on mechanical wings. Picking up speed the hat circles above the pyramid and then swoops down and disappears into the massive structure. Sadly, what transpired will have to remain secreted away within the minds of those involved. After several deca-nutas Topper returns to the troupe. Normally DurBurDuke and the hat are able to share what they see and say via patented Schwartzpunk technology, however while inside the structure Topper turned off the signal feed. Some things are just private, I guess. 

Some more awkward prodding from the group and it’s becoming clear that the hat lives inside the structure to serve the master there. She explains that “bipeds can’t go inside the way I do, but there is a path”. The group works its way around the edge of the triangular mirror farm and indeed, there is a gap between the mirrors wide enough for a single person to squeeze their way through. One would think the excitement of the vast riches of the “city of diamonds” would elicit excitement from the group, instead they all look as if they are being forced to watch all 90 minutes of Strange Brew. 

I think I "unremembered" this part
The Urks look nervous, the group taunts them in the usual manner (manhood, Urkhood, creepyhood, etcetera) but the social pressure is not enough to get them to go any further even for the “looting and killing”. With promises to meet in Urkey and have some soup, they quickly leave the area. A few members of the troupe begin the single file march at 1/10th their normal walking speed into the mirror farm. It only takes a few missed Nimbality checks and laser ray blasts from automated sentry boxes to encourage the group to not try to get in that way. Chris-Tle, discovers that the Arcanist spell Invisibility actually allows light to pass through the affected creatures body, so it would seem this side effect of the magic would negate the negative harm of the sun’s rays in the mirror farm. After some quick computations the Arcanist calculates that he has enough MERP to cast the spell on everyone for at least a full deca-nuta, certainly long enough to move the 100 feet or so to the base of the pyramid. After a few rude hand gestures, the whole troupe is invisible and individually making their way into the mirror zone.

Typical Notes
No plans were made beforehand on coordination and since nobody can see anyone else, it’s every creature for themselves. Mortimer discovers a gigantic Hairy Mormon wearing a black and white striped shirt on his way in. The creep can’t see him, but taunts him using a ridiculous accent. Mortimer is able to easily avoid the monster. A giant partial carcass of a flying whale is also discovered and avoided. After a few mi-nutas everyone has flattened themselves around the perimeter of the gray stone pyramid. Again, even close up it is pretty featureless, no windows doors, cracks, ornamentation or gross textures. Some attempts are made to scale the 40 feet up the severe incline to the rotor gap, these pretty much ended poorly. The Arcanist moves around the perimeter and discovers a single seam running from the ground upwards. DurburDuke dons his jet gloves and boots to fly up to the rotor opening. At the same time, Topper zooms out and flies around the pyramid top to signal her master to open the door so everyone can go in.

Where the Arcanist discovered the seam, a colossal 40x40 foot door crawls upward. Now visible, everyone hastens to get inside. Everyone is on the ground floor other than DurBurDuke, who is hovering in the middle of the machine choked space. On the ground level a giant conveyance with 40 foot wheels lays folded up, above the exposed mechanism of the rotor. Green bolts of energy fly off metal balls mounted on the arms up into metal grid work chamber where the masters silhouette can be seen. There are many other humanoid figures about, all moving oddly. All are dressed the same, red and black Michael Jackson leather motorcycle suits, boots, gloves and helmets covering the whole head. As they stand taking this in the door slowly reverses itself and Topper flies straight to the master to perch on her head.

If you were another Crypt Lord I might say at this point “the hook has been set”. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. No one seem at all terrified. No complaining, or crying, indeed not even one short huffy sigh. Sometimes the world is perfect.

At this point, everyone had questions of the master of this place, questions answered obliquely using NPP voice type 0, described as PLOOK or “Peter Lorre On an Opium Kick”. (This can be found on page 5 of the core rule book). Not much was learned...the masters name is MaMiss, the place is called the Cyclone Werks, MaMiss is happy to entertain guests but far too busy to interact with them. In between all the rambling answers imagine a short high pitched laugh, not unlike Smedley from the Wacky Racers, but much slower and menacing. MaMiss was a surprised that the hat has friends now, this certainly is a new development! The master then jets back up into the apex to join the giant brain suspended in the clear globe and a version of herself moving at nearly x50 times faster than normal to operate various devices. Insert some exposition about being inside MaMiss'es Mind Shack. That's against the rules, right?

Put on the back of a player
The humanoid minions then appear with soft robes and pillows and start yawning and pantomiming sleep. There is an elevator, inside 6 identical buttons, Fred pushes the bottom most. Immediately red lights and klaxons sound...but no one looks particularly bothered. Fred and Topper ride the floating egg shaped elevator down to the forbidden floor. The door open to reveal a small round smooth chamber dominated by a large cylindrical object in the center surrounded by four shiny pipes that connect it to the walls. The other players seem nervous, Fred and Topper walk around, get back in the elevator and go to the next button up, the “Fun” room. This room is much larger with spa stations, alabaster fur rugs and settees, dessert stations and a disco ball in the center. The gravity in the room allows those inside to walk on any flat surface. After a while poking around, followed by minions with drinks and a GQ magazine, Fred finds a bleached hume skeleton in one of the spa machines. Chris-Tle uses his skill Gut Feeling to ask me if this room is a trap. I had to take a breath here, after a moment I said YES. YES, THIS ROOM IS A TRAP. There wasn’t any hurry, everyone left the room so find accommodations in one of the many empty staterooms on the other levels. Chris-Tle stayed in the work area above and played Canasta with three minions. DurBurDuke constructs a gas detecting unit so he can sleep. Mortimer builds one for Fred. It’s been a long day...eventually everyone falls asleep.

Again, one never assumes, but the perfect moment (see above) ended up being stretched much longer than I thought. I like to imagine a large pink bubble of chewing gum slowly expanding…

Almost looks like a Jacque Louis David painting...
A huge thanks to these amazing players. Well played, huge fun, and lots of laughing about the oddest things. Sometimes I forgot that I had been playing for over 30 years. This was the last big hurrah for most of them before they start college. One of them is my oldest, going to Indiana somewhere. My hope is when they are back, they may still want to play. There will always be a place for them. 

This game will continue in a week or so…

Until the next!

'Yon of Ofaz Session #8

Monday, August 20, 2018

'Yon of Ofaz Session #6

Yes, 3,000 minus 1 equals 2,999:

We pick up moments after the fray from last session. Because Fred smells funny/good to the Urks, they have decided that he can come along with them to Urkey. It is unclear if this is a good thing. The two fallen Urks are revived. We learn that the leaders name is Kelso and that his mom Svengoolie makes good soup. Goo Gloptcha and the Gnyll host are nowhere to be found. Fred uses the power of persuasion again to get the Urks to take a detour and visit the “City of Diamonds” for the expressed purpose of “Looting and Pillaging”. What Urk could pass this up? They agree to this, but also mention they need to go get the last six of their group who are at the neighboring farmstead (the Slortts) holding them hostage. 

DurBurDukes is still bothered by the loss of his trusty hat and decides to fashion a “Hat Radar” to tell him what direction it is in. The device is constructed quickly within his Mind Shack and passed through the opening. When activated it immediately gives off a really strong signal...the hat is within 10 feet! In fact its in Lyn’s pack, having filched it off his head at the beginning of session # 4. The hat is returned without comment. DurBurDuke builds a pair of goggles to allow three way communication with both his RoButler Squire and Topper.

It is also discovered that during the melee that one of the Beese rolled a critical miss and accidentally stung one of it’s Beese comrades, stirring up the much labored subject of the total number of Beese, their weight and volume. One less Beese brings the total to 2,999. (BTW the physical volume of 3,000 Beese is the equivalent of a small british motorcar or 3 standard sized oxen at sea level).

Meanwhile coming up the road on a Morton Bumley’s steam scooter is a 4 foot tall humanoid figure wearing a trench coat. This creature introduces itself as Mortimer Shaw, and is looking to develop properties in the area. Fred wants tomato paste and ketchup all the sudden, Mortimer is an expert in robotic vegetable creation, so he pulls some from it’s mind shack for Fred.

At this point the group splits up, Olga, Chris Tle and Lyn start trekking north to the “City of Diamonds” while Fred, Topper, Mortimer and the 16 Urks (led by Kelso) make their way to the Slorrt homestead. This farm is in a sorry state, Skrum Weevils have eaten away everything that has potential food value. The Slorrts have resorted to making 240 proof moonshine in a tiny still chained to the back of their  shack. Inside the three Slorrt brothers and their zlog are tied up guarded by six Urks. A pitchfork with a long handle rests against the body of the zlog and the handle protrudes out the window. This is a convenience so that a hostage can be dispatched from the outside.

Slorrt Homestead in the desert of Aanssk
The Urk leader (Kelso) explains to Fred that he needs to “level up” by standing outside the hovel and thrusting the pitchfork through one of the hostages. Fred instead promises to kill all four instantly with a single push of the fork handle. The Urks all nod.

Fred talks his way into the tiny house where the Slorrts are tied up. Topper has 50 Beese fly in and reposition the pointy end of the pitch fork so that it is resting against a large tomato paste bomb procured from Mortimer earlier. Fred goes outside, spits on his hands and thrusts the handle into the window. The bag of paste explodes sending bits of red goo everywhere. The Beese in the building spell out “play dead” (just in case the Slorrts don’t follow through). A roll is made to see if they can read (one can) and after a long pause perfunctory sounds of gasping and dying are heard exiting the window. Outside there is another pause as this sinks in and the Urks all clap in unison in admiration. Fred is definitely one of them.

The group then collects itself and heads north, meeting up with the others, who have been playing cards. Oh look, something shiny! The “City of Diamonds” beckons...

Griff's new Persona

Until the next!

Session #7 Link:

Sunday, August 19, 2018

'Yon of Ofaz Session #5

Dromader is NOT Polish for Camel (I think):

Might actually be better to walk
After a few pedal turns on his trusty bike, DurBurDuke changes his mind and decides to rejoin with his troupe of comrades: Fred his owner, Chris-Tle a fellow performer in the Chef Boy-Ar-Dee circus, Lyn the Wolfoid Gnyll, Olga the silent warrioresse and the newest addition to the motley group: Topper a flying sentient hat. They have sheltered the mighty storm, winds, plasma, rain and tarnodos. On either side of the lane are overturned sleds, some filled with this seasons korn bounty, others fallow. No one sings songs, being cooped up with each other, a three eyed smooth talking zlog and the Blorgs made the idea of marching into the maw of certain death not completely unpleasant. Look, there is the gate, marking the boundary of the Blorg homestead and the road beyond!

Typical Homestead in Aanssk Desert
The main road runs north-south, the former leading toward the “City of Diamonds” and the latter to the wall to keep civilization safe from the marauding Urks of Urkey. Just north of the gate a six wheeled articulated wagon pulled by a mangy Monodromader sits bogged down in the runoff of the storm. Two heavily cloaked figures stand next to it, arms bent, fists to their sides. The troupe yells a greeting of help, the figures look up, but ignores them. DurBurDuke realizes at this moment that his hat (apparently the first thing he ever made as a Schwartzer) is missing. He turns immediately, dons his jet boots and gloves to fly back toward the homestead to see if it fell off.

The rest of the troupe are left standing at the gate near the road. Topper decides to break away from her swarm of 3,000 Beese to fly into the back end of the cloth covered wagon. Inside she discovers five Urks with their Three Jaw Toothless Shivs drawn, ready to burst out and attack. They are not able to grab her as she zooms through. Once outside the hat exclaims “Monsters*”! Fred decides to get a better look by approaching one of the robed figures and pull its hood down. It turns out to be the massive head of a wild full-blooded Urk! In a flash the other robed figure throws its robes is none other than Goo Gloptcha the Gnyll leader thought to have been left for dead in the Aanssk desert! The five Urks waiting in the wagon leap to attack.

*Note, the only "monsters" in CNC are the players, the correct term she wanted was "Creepazoid".

Urk Weapon Types
For several Na-nutas a wild melee ensues. Five more Urks jump up, hidden in the nearby feild under upended korn sleds. Oda the terracotta warrior and Fred perform a flipping attack on the Urk leader, a might creepy with a 25 muscle power. Their attack is well performed, but in the end the mighty Urk fells Oda with one blow of his mighty Six Jaw Shamglurk. This signals a turning point in the battle, not a good one, as it looks like the troupe has met its match with these mighty Urks. Hearing sounds of a fray, DurBurDuke decides to turn around and returns just in time to see 3,000 mad Beese attack the Urks. Within seconds their leader falls and it looks like the end. Fred decides he has enough senseless violence (or thinks that the Beese will not be enough to save their sorry hides) and uses his best sideshow barker voice to get all the combatants attention and hold their weapons still while he talks. Things are suddenly quiet as Fred explains that there are a “bunch of Gnylls under their control that could show up any na-nuta know”. One of the Urks steps closer to Fred and draws in the air around him, tasting it in his nasal passages. “You smell...funny. I like you. You come with us to Urkey!” After a pause Fred says “looks like I’m going to Urkey!” 

Urk Six Jaw Shamglurk

Onward, next time!

Link to Session # 6:

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

'Yon of Ofaz Session #4

"I found a thing and put it in my brain"

We find our beloved troupe hiding within the Blorg homestead. Bowling ball sized raindrops hammer the tin roof. There is much squabbling, in spite of the fact that Dorta has removed herself to the barn. A barn which is home to the troupe’s unwanted retinue, 50 Gnylls. Back in the 10x12 foot abode of the Blorgs, DurBurDuke rediscovers the cinnamon smell behind a tattered curtain of the WC. He scrambles up the wall and finds a strange twisted object that is the source of the licorice smell. After gently testing its tensile strength, he opens the tent flap to his "mind shack" and hands it off to his inner self to be hoarded with all the other junk that will presumably become inventions someday. An hour or so more passes and the storm gives way to a dead calm.

There is much discussion on individuals either relieving themselves inside or outside. Sadly.

A strange honking sound, like the plaintive bleat of an old bicycle horn is heard approaching in the distance. The troupe (DurBurDuke, Fred, Oda, Gwen, Crys-Tle and Olga) go outside to watch whatever it is slowly fly closer. A spyglass reveals the object to be a large top hat with wings. Behind the hat is a large swarm of bees.

"Topper" and 3,000 Beese
The majestic accoutrement of fashionable men’s outerwear glides gently down in the eerie silence and lands nearby. Fred approaches and reaches out to possibly put the hat on his head, but is slapped by one of it's robo arms. Fearing random uninvited wearing, the hat hops up to perch on the corrugated tin roof. Painfully it begins to dawn on the troupe that this hat is not just another mindless fashion accessory to be placed on one's head! The personas all start asking questions to which the hat answers by gesticulation and honking a horn. Meanwhile, the Schwartzer of the group begins work on a new all metal door (to replace the wrecked one of the hovel) and a mechanical squawk box designed to enable the hat to talk. As a stopgap a pad of paper is produced and the hat writes out it's name: Topper.

Garlic flavored Kool-aide?
The eerie silence silence is broken by the distant sound, not unlike a freight train. After Chrs Tle the Arcanist counts the bees (there are 3000), on cue everyone decides to cram themselves quickly back into the tiny house. Added to the host is Topper and 3000 Beese. The owner of the house, Muk Blorg opts instead to run outside to take his chances with the approaching tarnodos. Of the owners, only the pet Zlog remains. DurBurDuke installs his new metal door. As he opens the tent flap into his “mind shack” Topper scoots inside to see what sort of junk he has hoarded. In the collected junk she finds a licorice main spring and decides to appropriate it. Ramone, the mental version of DurBurDuke that lives within the “mind shack” looks on. Ramone and DurBurDuke have some issues and have learned to avoid each other.

All the while the homestead has been lifted aloft by the raging winds outside, only a stout chain secured to an ancient rock keeps the one room hovel from being consumed by the mighty winds. After what seems like ages, the house gently settles back to urth, one can hear three bird-oids chirping, clearly a signal that the storm has passed. Outside all the troupe finds of Muk is his indeterminately left or right shoe. Topper tries out setting on the Schwartzers head, there is some fear that he may be engulfed or menaced by the hat’s unknown interior. In the end nothing goes amiss. DurBurDuke pulls out a ratty looking multi-seat bicycle and starts peddling off to the south, towards The Wall, and hopefully, eventual freedom. The rest of the troupe cannot resist the shiny diamond twinkling of the unexplored citadel to their north east...they begin walking that way. Neither party looks back, or yells out a sarcastic farewell.

Welcome to the newest drinker of the Garlic Kool-aid and until next time!

Here be the rest of the mighty troupe:

Quiz to session #4:

1: What is the drink of REDACTED?
2: Which Blorg has access to the kitchen?
3: What do all intelligent animals do?
4: What does BEM stand for?
5: What do I like (Me, the Crypt Lord)?
6: When Fred told the Gnylls to “fetch” what insults did they yell at him?
7: What is the volumetric equivalent of 3000 bees?
8: What phrase was thought to be trademarkable?
9: The Wall bisects what two countries?
10: Name three things we know the precise numbers of:

Answers (no peeking!)
2: Muk
3: Poop outside
4: Bug Eyed Monster
5: Metagaming
6: “Get a job”, “Get the mail” and “Go shave”
7: A “car” or three oxen
8: “It’s an Arcanist thing”
9: Bim Tuck Boo and Urkey
10: 3 birds, 2 bits of korn and 3000 bees.  

Go to Session #5...

Sunday, July 29, 2018

'Yon of Ofaz Session #3

Blorgs serving Slorggs:

As the storm outside becomes more intense, the players scuttle into the Blorg homestead, all 12 x 10 square feet of it. The Blorgs are terrifically poor and their sole (or soul) possession (a chip of bone) rests in a place of honor. A white chalk line separates the hovel in half, Muk stands on one side, Dorta on the other. Zlog is in the middle. It’s kinda uncomfortable, both persona space wise and in terms of conversation. Nobodies talks, until Dorta admonishes Muk to heat up some Slorgg stew. When the lid is lifted from the pot, the stench crystals which collect in the nasal passages twist like a quail feather gripped by a mad terrorist. Aromatic pressure imbalances within the eyes cause those failing SNC's to teeter. It's a good stew, seasoned with two Korn kernels. It takes a while for the underlying smell of the abode to return (sweat and a hint of cinnamon). Outside the 100 foot diameter plasmatic balls of chain lightning diminish and fade after a handful of deca-nutas.

Dorta & Muk Blorg
During this calm, Dorta and the Zlog sense that their mud pit of prize winning Slorggs is being menaced from local predators riled up by the storm. All three Blorgs race from the homestead to deal with the issue before the next phase of the storm resumes after a secretive Crypt Lord roll of the dice.  DurBurDuke decides to stay behind and reaches into his Schwartzer Mind Shack to retrieve his faithful slave servant creation Squire. The rest of the troupe and the robut follow close on the heels of the Blorgs as they trot down the meandering lane in the eerie silence towards the mud pit.

The bulk of the troupe, Olga, Oda, Chris-Tle, Fred and the robut Squire hurry down the lane of the Blorg homestead and after nearly a deca-nuta reach the mud pit. The Blorgs stand at the edge, attempting to shoo away two 25 foot long Frill Scorpions who are intent on rooting through the muck to slurp up Slorggs. Even though the creepazoids are ignoring the troupe, they decide to attack these predators. The Blorgs step back in horror while the players advance. They soon learn that the magically enhanced frontal frill of the monsters render them virtually impossible to damage.  One of the two beasts is dispatched, but not before Fred is taken out. Two of the party decide to run away to “fight another day” (note, the Blorgs are already long gone) while Oda and Squire stay to fight. Oda figures out that he can hurl Squire like a grenade at the beasts, using this fighting style they confront the creepazoid head on. It doesn’t take but a few na-nutas for the the hero's to get wiped out.

The Blorgs, Olga and Crys-Tle arrive back at the hovel, DurBurDuke decides to use one of his unfinished inventions from his Mind Shack inventory to save his comrades expiring in the mud. As he uses his rocket boots and gloves to rocket the half mile, he notices that the calm seems to be giving way to the next phase of the storm….the bowling ball sized rain. After much struggling, DurBurDuke revives his slave robut and the Frill Scorpians retreat to avoid the rainstorm. He lashes the defunct terracotta warrior to his kragg board and propels himself back to the homestead using the rockets in his boots and gloves. As the bowling ball sized rain starts to tear up the landscape, DurBurDuke decides it's better to be a hero rather than be practical and runs the gauntlet of Nimbality checks in order to get back to shelter. Its a near thing. When he arrives he finds that the door to the homestead is barred and the muffled voice of Dorta tells him to scram. Not to be deterred he pulls a claw contraption from his Mind Shack and rips the door open. He goes inside, Dorta leaves the hovel in a huff and disappears into the deadly storm. As the massive drops of liquid death pummel the landscape our troupe wonders what their fate will be...

Until next time...

The Quiz

The answers

Typical quote:
DurBurDuke: "This is why I invent be fond of me".
Oda: "I am not fond of you".

Another thing:
I really like a game system that allows for a ? to be put on the line for sex.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

'Yon of Ofaz Session #2

The Blorgs "welcome" you! (kinda).

"Dorta Blorg"

Last time the players who are aboard the Razor Bait, a floating airship/barge when it veers just a little too close to the The Wall above Bim Tuck Boo. A swarm of razors appears (one of the Wall's automated magical defenses) and slices off the section of the airship that the players are on. They manage to not fall to their deaths and find themselves standing on the other side...the “bad side” in the Aanssk dessert.

Moments after collecting their wits, they make out a lone Gnyll,  nearly a half mile away sprinting towards them. And behind that figure is a host of Gynlls, more of the wolfoid bipeds, who seem intent on catching up to the running figure. The Aanssk dessert is essentially a featureless scrubby waste and opposite the host, several miles away is a small group of homesteads. The troupe decides to move laterally to avoid the running figure. They are too slow and the as the Gnyll gets closer they realize from its wolfoid form that it is a female Gnyll.

Gnyll (V2 CNC)

The Gnyll approaches holding “an artifact”, a sort of rune covered cantaloupe sized Dij-Dart. The Gnyll introduces herself as Gwen and explains that she stole it from the leader of the host now closing on them rapidly. DurBurDuke takes some of the rocket parts scattered around and builds a rough facsimile of the dart, which they wrap in rags and throw as as a decoy so they can run away. This tactic is a complete bust, so DurBurDuke scrambles to build a  “Kragboard” (a sort  of schwartzpunk skateboard) on which he throws his froggy body and scoots away northward, toward the homesteads in the distance.


The rest of the group hides by burying themselves or pretending to be rocks in the dessert. Fred meanwhile,  takes the fake dart, partially wrapped in rags and waits for the Gnylls to close. The Gynlls advance, nearly 30 of them surrounding Fred. The leader, Goo Glopptcha, calls him out to duel. Fred is defeated nearly instantly and falls to a crumpled heap.

Fred Batttez
Odo, the terracotta warrior jumps up to attack, but not before Gwen springs from the sand and assassinates the Gnyll leader from behind pretty much instantly. The players try out their best howls in order to become the new “Alpha” dogs of the host. This is not working so well and a 8 foot tall Gnyll called “Gorfo” (almost frog backwards, but I messed it up) now steps up to claim leadership. Another short fight ensues, Gorfo goes down, the new leader is Oda, but Oda says to listen to Gwen, which is not at all confusing. The Gnylls were tilting their heads back and forth trying to follow it all by asking a lot of slow questions. The slower part of the host finally catches up to the group, the Slave Wunder Wheels and Androids of Gor who are towing skids with catapults that launch these blue glowing orb things. The frog decides to launch himself forward, it works a bit, 300 ft at about 8 ft off the ground. Meanwhile, Fred has been brought back by some slapping around by Olga.

Olga...just Olga
Players notice that it's getting very still and there is a lot of static electricity sparking around. Gwen relates that the storms are coming, Plasma balls rising up from the ground, bowling ball sized raindrops and of course Tarnados. The troupe decides to split into two groups (I hate it when they do that), Gwen and the Frog DurBurDuke (on his “Kragboard”) can get to the north homestead in 20 minutes, the rest of the group will be 70 Mi-nutas behind. After the Gnyll and Frog leave, the slow group realizes they have an Arcanist and can teletransport right up to where they want to be instantly. This fall on Chris-tle, who nervously writes down where he and the group are going to land.

This works out, the slow group supersedes the fast one to materialize in a small barn. The barn is tilted, once outside they see the structure is attached to a large stone that is itself connected to the ground by 6 large anchor chains. There is Korn growing in large urns, also chained to the ground. They hear voices arguing and around the corner comes Muk Blorg, a rather colorful “Hume” laborer type.

"Muk Blorg"
Muk says some odd and possibly rude things to the players, who are thinking it might be a good idea to pass on the whole shelter thing and ride the storm out. However they are persuaded by Muk’s smooth talking Zlog (a three eyed quadruped) that the Blogs are good “people” and join them in the house to ride out the storm.

Fortunately, the other members of the troupe show at this point as a 60 ft. diameter plasma ball rises from the ground one hundred feet away and lightning bolts from the angry sky start ricocheting around. The homestead is quite small. Once inside they notice a white paint line divides the space in half...

L to R: DurBurDuke, Fred Batttez, Olga, Odo Michimitsu, Gwendolyn and Chris Tle. The plaid couch is NOT for sale.

Until next time!

Link to sessiuon #3: