Sunday, November 15, 2020

Dusty PennGooInn #4 September 13th 2020

Troupe: Gyro, Indus and Philton
Garage Leader: Ro
Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG (played in my open garage)

Varkendor and Halcyon have unfinished business and are unable to stay with the troupe. Varkendor, being an Arcanist skilled in the art, gives Gyro, Indus and Philton who will be traveling to...someplace only described as mightily cold, a piece of “Teleportal Bark”. This vascular cambium apparently has the magical power to act as a beacon allowing Varkendor to pinpoint its runic coordinational position within the T-zoid of Real Life. This will allow them to catch up later on.

Marie as "Indus"
Two PEOG’s* ago our troupe made a deal with Boogah, who asked if they were interested in another job. If they would bring him a Life Crystal (to help out some orphans), he would give them 1,600 mercury, a laxative and two swag items of equal or greater value than the wand of house painting (two coats) in return. Philton feels that they need to rehash the deal once again and in doing so are able to squeeze another swag item into the deal. The three are now equipped with appropriate cold weather gear and ready to summon an Oober Sleemay. “You have summoned one before, right?”, Boogah asks.

Ben as "Gyro"
Once the blank looks have worn off the troupe's collective faces, Boogah sighs. “We should do this at least 100 feet away back behind the building I think.” Walking outside he explains the ritual in detail. Once outside Boogah asks if they understand, as a formality.

James as "Philton"
Indus starts the summoning by saying “My feety-feet wish a seaty-seat”. Philtin follows with “Inside a scooty-scoot Oober commuter”. There is a brief awkward moment before the smell of cheap brimstone and the thud of a thirty foot Sleemay in yogi pants displaces the air. A studded belt holds its gut in place so that the metal door in its abdomen is visible. Its boil-covered craws almost drag on the ground. It has no head, just a giant eyeball stuffed in its neck-hole. Boogah crosses over to it's leg and and feels around until a small tentacle is found. On the tip is a worn out sucker which he presses onto his temple. The troupe tries to make out the expression on his scrunched up face with no luck. “OK, I've shared my destination with the Sleemay, It knows exactly where to drop you off.” It's belly has popped open. After tucking the limp tentacle back into the fur he continues. “I have not gotten very close to the Life Crystal, only to the edge of the place where it is supposed to be. Once you get there it should be pretty obvious what you need to do. I’m sure some of the locals will be able to point you in the right direction. Once you get the crystal, just say the thingie and come back using one of these. Good Luck.” With that he steps back, pulls out a pocket orb and distractedly begins flipping thru glowing runes.

Oober Sleemay
The trio climbs up the ladder. The inside of the Sleemays gut is sheathed in what looks like tin and the space is not unlike that of gutted pumpkin. Here and there large veins run like pipes from the floor to the wall. Something that resembles an ear pokes through a small hole. Around a large porthole in the floor is a single overstuffed chair. On the wall is a large polished red button. The door closes and the hand crank in its center rotates to seal them safely in. Indus sits in the chair as the chamber gives the impression of being magically transported. Philton presses the button as the others look on.

Oober Sleemay interior
A popular Taylor Slugg ditty fills the room. Philton presses it again and the one hit wonder “Queens Vomit” song “Spiritual Burns and a Rash” rings forth. Another press and a love ballad from the “Yellow Beetles” plays. Everyone looks toward the porthole where the Sleemays viscera pulses to the music. Another push and the cheerless plinking of “Freedonian Steamroller” causes the creature's colon to vibrate most unpleasantly. Eventually, the screeching of Queens Vomit seems like the best overlay to the adventure.

Indus's persona sheet
After several deca-nutas the music cuts off and the door unseals and swings open. They peer out to see that they are on a high arctic mountain plateau overlooking a vast expanse of tundra. A sudden gust of wind blows dry stinging ice crystals into their faces. In the distance is what looks like a faint track leading to a gray smudge. Beyond that is an icecano with slush vomiting into a morass of icy ponds. Gyro slides down the ladder first.

Gyro's persona sheet
Once the trio is out the Oober Sleemay disappears. A faint footpath leads to the edge. Between them and the winding way down are a horrible grouping of stalactites each impaling the wrecked remains of some long dead creature. When the troupe edges closer they all begin grinding their bones to produce the most awful sound. The madness of this chilling sound is quite horrible. Indus copes by coming to the realization that these things actually do not exist. The troupe plows forward though the grinding sound to the cliff edge and the narrow path zigging its way down.

Philton's persona sheet
Indus leads the way. It's two thousand feet down as the petrified crow falls. The track winds arduously causing each member slowly crab their way through each narrow switchback. At the two thirds mark Indus rounds a corner to discover they need to pass another stalactite graveyard. As before, she wipes it from her consciousness and moves forward. Gyro is unaffected by the grinding sound. It is too much for Philton however and he slumps over, sliding off the path. Gyro grabs him but also begins to slide with him. Indus nimbally grabs both of them and pulls them back to safety.

James, Ben and Marie.
They reach the bottom without further incident. Ishtar is waiting, who informs them, in the way that gods often do, that Indus must return with her back to her realm. Indus**, the almost a day old Arcanist fades away leaving Gyro and Philton alone.***

*PEOG stands for Proverbial Evening of Gaming.

** Marie, who plays Indus, will be returning to Seattle, so this was her last session playing with us and the reason why her god suddenly appeared and whisked her away. Marie and I have been in communication, she informs me that she has been running CNC for her family. When she sends pics I will post them. I think this is the first group I know of playing the game outside of my campaign. Hearts and Minds baby!

***We have not been able to play any more games. Playing in my opened garage has allowed us to play safely in light of the global pandemic. I only have a few players now and getting them together has proven difficult. I could try to find new players, but this doesn’t seem like the best strategy right now. The weather has gotten it is time to disassemble the table and stow things away until I can become Garage Leader once more. Until spring! In the meantime I can write up some of the game that is in note form. There will be an updated version of the rules. A lot has changed to make the game better.

I tried to record the PEOG, but failed
to push the right buttons. The "clock"
is a randomizer.

Here's the Quiz (Each correct answer is worth 1 xp):

1) What is the name of Marie’s fish? (Friedrich Finley the First)
2) Who is the mentaly slow one? (Philton)
3) What kind of bark did Barkendor give you? (Teleportal Bark)
4) Who replaced Curly? (Shemp)
5) What would you burn rubber on? (piles of lime)
6) Fill in the blank: “Don’t call me _____”. (Gruffy)
7) My mom always told me that   x  happen by water (cities)
8) What doesn’t Gyro have? (a pancreas)
9) What is the spell Big Long Tongue based on? (Thief of Bagdad)
10) What do you not want to hear the Garage Leader say when you fail? (“You’ve jumped to next table”)


  1. I am unreasonably fond of: the Schwatzpunk sword, the word "Schwartzpunk." and the phrase "cheap brimstone."

    1. I must admit that I appropriated "Cheap Brimstone" from a perfume label in our bath. Schwartzpunk has roots in the repeated viewing of "Gilligan's Island" BTI (Before the Internet). If you like the Schwartzpunk Sword, you will love the Papalpunk RPG.