#2 Sham End March 8th, 2021 Session 2

Troupe: THE straw prince, Shtick and Oda

Basement Leader: Ro

Whimsy Cards in play this PEOG

Baba tells them there is no spell casting in the house. Closing the door behind them, Oda, Shtick and THE straw prince step out onto the path in front of the old woman’s house. They carefully position themselves so that they are right at the point where it splits, going either north or northeast.

#1 Sham End November 28th 2020 Session 1

Troupe: THE straw prince, Shtick and Oda

Basement Leader: Ro

"Caleb" as Shtick

The wind is blowing through the boards of a long abandoned farmhouse. A rainstorm has just moved on leaving a few puddles. Shtick being an adventurous creature followed the rain inland. Erkins are creatures of flame who usually keep to themselves. Contrary to what most believe, they love making water hiss and evaporate. He had never seen a Millibrick before and when he playfully tried to melt it, thousands of it’s friends chased him to the old farm.  Here they trapped him by quickly assembling themselves into a brick shed. Through a narrow opening he can see an old union suit on a clothesline whip around crazily.

Dusty PennGooInn #4 September 13th 2020

Troupe: Gyro, Indus and Philton

Garage Leader: Ro

Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG (played in my open garage)

Varkendor and Halcyon have unfinished business and are unable to stay with the troupe. Varkendor, being an Arcanist skilled in the art, gives Gyro, Indus and Philton who will be traveling to...someplace only described as mightily cold, a piece of “Teleportal Bark”. This vascular cambium apparently has the magical power to act as a beacon allowing Varkendor to pinpoint its runic coordinational position within the T-zoid of Real Life. This will allow them to catch up later on.

Marie as "Indus"

Dusty PennGooInn #3 September 6th 2020

Troupe: Varkendor, Gyro, Indus, Halcyon and Philton

Garage Leader: Ro

Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG (played in my open garage)

In this instalment the players are chastised for not having seen “The Producers”.

A few bored Gnylls are scattered around the tavern. Among them sits a lone Cattoid, ears low, eyes slits. The troupe is still eating breakfast. Boogah has returned after being gone for only a moment. He explains the expedition is short handed and motions toward the swinging doors where two figures are emerging. The taller one may once have been a majestic wizard. At the moment he is a creaky looking mannequin covered with bark and random leaves. The shorter is a squat metallic box with mechanical limbs. Its upper limbs are over long while the lower are too short. Boogah quickly introduces them, “This is Varkendor the Arcanist and Gyro the Robut.”

Dusty PennGooInn #2 August 30th 2020

Troupe: Meep, Cassius and Philton
Garage Leader: Ro
Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG (played in my open garage)

In this instalment we learn that it’s OK to store the elderly in a diminutive state.

Festus of the Dusty PennGooInn

The troupe members finally reach the Dusty Pengooinn near midnight. Things appear calm. The interior looks as much as the outside, except that the excitement has worn off. There are a few slouching Gnylls scattered among the tables. The attract routine of an old “Strike the Dromedary” machine filters through the background.

Dusty PennGooInn #1 August 23rd 2020

Troupe: Meep, Ivern, Cassius, Smock and Philton

Garage Leader: Ro

Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG (played in my open garage)

The scene is a crowded subterranean maze of prison cells secretly tucked under the royal palace in Fooburg. Law breakers are being herded in groups from one area to the next. We now follow a small trio being pushed into the opening of a cage squatting on a series of small rollers leading a short distance to the spiraling maw of a teleportal. A guard yells to them “pull the chain when you feel wind on your face”. The door is then shut and they are kicked into the dimensional vortex.

Mission: Number Nine Pointy Place #5 August 16th 2020

Troupe: Wheeze, Chum, Floyed and Meep. Dardigalish, Halcyon and Ivern decide to poke around the ancient library in the mansion's first floor (Note, this is how I deal with absent players. I don’t like having extra empty bodies around. Players should not have any more resources than what is at the table).

Garage Jesus: Ro*

Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG (played in my open garage)

*Alternative for Crypt Lord, Basement Leader or Garage Leader

Mission accomplished, swag in hand, our troupe is now on board Leendah’s marvelous skiff awaiting her return.

Mission: Number Nine Pointy Place #4 August 9th 2020

Troupe: Wheeze, Chum, Floyd, Halcyon, Dardigalish and Meep.

Garage Jesus: Ro*

Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG (played in my open garage)

*Don’t Ask

The telaportal spits our group into a pitch dark underground cellar. Nearby can be heard water splashing gently in a fountain. Desperate for any form of light, Wheeze pulls out the ancient helmet he found upstairs. From the tiny LED the troupe is able to make out dim shapes within arms reach.

Mission: Number Nine Pointy Place #3 July 31st 2020

Troupe: Wheeze, Chum, Ivern, Floyed and Halcyon

Garage Leader: Ro

Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG*

*i.e., played in my garage, players separated and doors open.

Dardigalish decides to go back to the skiff (this is how we deal with an absent player, their CO takes themselves out of the action).

Our troupe now only has four hours remaining to complete the mission. They have a key, all they need to do is find and figure out what it unlocks.

Sneaking Chum past the party guests on the third floor is presenting a problem. So far the two Sneaks have been trying to use modded Tricky Balls to do this, but this hasn’t worked. The thinking now is that maybe walking up the stairs to the second floor will fire up some kind of inspiration. Better than standing around.

Mission: Number Nine Pointy Place #2 July 26th 2020

Troupe: Wheeze, Chum and Dardigalish

The Crypt Lord: Ro

Medium: Spatially Enhanced RPG*

*i.e., played in my garage, players separated and doors open.

Unrolling below the magnificent skiff is a vast northern landscape of bent and gnarled trees. Here and there can be caught glimpses of remote structures whose style is definitely foreign. After a couple of gar-nutas the skiff nears two low hills which hug a secret and hidden city.

Crack Town Adventures: Session 10

Once the “Yon of Ofaz” finished, the newest chapter of my Crypts-N-Creepies milieu began. Welcome to “Crack Town Adventures”. It’s Been a while, let’s dive in.

These game sessions started many months ago and so thus far have not been recorded here. For clarity, we will start with what went down from last week's game. In a future post I’ll attempt to summarize what went before. We will call this game session # 10, which is a guess.

For last  Sunday's PEOG (Proverbial Evening Of Gaming) on February 9th, we had two newbies, so let’s start with them:

Mr. Crusty (played by Clara)

Meet Mr. Crusty, a 7 ft. Tarn. Technically, Clara is not a newbie to RPG's, although thoroughly questioned, either we could not learn or she could not recall any details of these recent experiences.

Crack Town: Cursed, Blessed or just Tectonically Challenged?

Welcome to Crack Town!

Crack Town

Few have seen this tiny village which is located on grassy knoll.  This is no surprise as the hill is enchanted to relocate itself every 3d6 days. Moreover, it's also invisible to outsiders. Maybe you know a friend of a friend who can help you find it or maybe you'll stumble upon it through blind luck. For those few who are "in the know" it's home to a number of unique shops well worth visiting.

"Yon of Ofaz Session # 12

"Someone fears me?...Oh Boy!"

The Troupe

This game took place during the Thanksgiving school break and four of the players had not played since the conclusion of session #7 when they first entered the “City of Diamonds”. At the conclusion of session #7 everyone inside the Cyclone Werks eventually fell asleep. When DurBur Duke, Lyn, Squire, Simon and  Robin woke up to start session #8 Chris-Tle, Topper, Fred and Mortimer were already gone. Now that these players are present, we can use a bit of Crypt Lord magic to go back in time a bit and see what happened to them….

Beese

Topper’s swarm of 2,999 Beese are having some issues. They have been away a long time. As the time of this separation grows they are more likely to become so weakened that they will start dying. Topper is attuned to this and decides to use her teletransportation ability to get them back to Rubitron before they weaken any further. Chris Tle, Fred and Mortimer (who has Odas ceramic body) decide to travel with the flying hat into the very heart of the “Yon of Ofaz and to the fantastical gleaming city of Rubitron. Topper takes flight during darkness and leads the way followed by her Beese, who in groups of 500 are able to carry one of the other personas. 

This is the first time anyone other than Topper has been inside the ‘Yon itself. They arc up and over the lands below traveling not unlike a supersonic transport. High above they get a birds eye view of the lands between the Cyclone Werks and Rubitron. First they pass over the Aanssk Desert and narrow opening of the “Yon. Beyond this are miles and miles of plain with mountains to the west and broken dead land to the east. The plain ends when they reach a vast lake of slowly burning oil. They start downwards at this point and approach an island jutting up out of the flames made entirely of Red Ruby. They have reached their destination, the city of Rubitron.

The city itself is a dazzling wonder to behold, it rests on a natural oval platform of Ruby which is almost a mile long. On one end is a 1,000 foot diameter golden red ball resting in the city like a giant egg yolk. Around it are thousands of roads, homes and spires of the city. A gigantic arm spirals up from the city's base, holding a glittering Red Ruby palace aloft just over the globe. It is to the highest spire of this palace they are headed. They slow to land on an open area just below the top. The Beese release Mortimer, Chris-Tle and Fred as topper lands gently. 

They notice a glimmering silver and red sky chariot resting on the pad. Huge Swineki guards motion them inside to an elevator. Upwards they glide on polished Red Ruby. At the top they are motioned out into the top chamber into an upward spiraling hallway. They walk slowly past pairs of huge Swineki every five paces. 

Swineki

The way narrows and turns upward on itself, until they reach the final chamber at the apex. It is a largish chamber suffused in Red light. Not far in front of them is a stern looking Hume resting on a hovering throne of living Beese. She takes the four in quizzically over her long thin nose. Topper knows this person, it is in fact her current master, Tindoro. There is an unknown figure in the room, a thin smartly attired Hume woman. She is clearly both an Arcanist and quite bored. Behind Topper and the troupe stands the largest of the Swineki they have seen so far. 

Tindoro's Spire in Rubitron

There is an awkward silence. Finally Tindoro rasps sweetly, a voice not unlike that of a reptile filtered through Red velvet. 

Tindoro

Tindoro: (to Topper): “Do you have the power source?”

Topper: I do, but it’s somewhere else”

Mild petulance. Another pause. No one has acknowledged the other three personas existence.

Tindoro, sweetly: “Where is it?”

Topper: “...I have it...somewhere”.

Tindoro: “Are you sure?” Sniffs the air mildly. Once more just to make sure. “I smell it near”.

Topper: “What are you going to do with it?”

Tindoro, abruptly the velvet gone: “How dare you question me!”

Things are getting nuclear. A few players pause. Fred, the Slave master thespian of Chef Boy Ar-Dee’s Circus (now defunct) chimes in.

Fred: I like your nose. There seems to be something in the air here about today...maybe something is affecting it?”

This skillful diversionary tactic works, things return to a mild sort of anxiousness. Tindoro seems to let things slide, being a great leader of the realm of Rubitron, it is prudent to let underlings know that she can be mildly flexible. To this end she pulls out a Red Ruby time glass and with a flourish reverses it sending mico-grains of Ruby flowing up into the empty top. 

Tindoro: “You have seven days to bring me the power source. And oh...I sense you will encounter a maleficent being made of water. This creature will appear as harmless, but do not be deceived. It’s goal is to bring disorder and ruination to the lands! If you find this creature, bring it to me. I am tired of this, now begone!”

They are hustled out by the giant Swineki. They are allowed to stay in one of the tower rooms for an OTU (eight hours). The Swineki, who they learn is called Javier is now their personal guard. They also learn the name of the other woman, “Leen Dah”.

During this time Mortimer repairs Oda,the ceramic warrior (killed a few sessions back). After some rest the five (Topper, Oda, Mortimer, Chris-Tle and Javier) are given a lift by Leen Dah on her glimmering sky-chariot back to the Aanssk desert where they find the rest of the troupe in their makeshift “Blorgmobile” (the hovel now equipped with legs) trudging back towards the wall and civilization.

Leen Dah

The sleek sky chariot swings to ground long enough to allow the five passengers to jump out. Mortimer then departs the group heading off for parts unknown. The walking hovel with DurBur Duke, Lyn, Squire, Simon and Robin keeps moving closer to the wall. Topper, Oda, Fred and the Swineki Javier eventually convince DurBur Duke to let them inside. It is quite crowded inside the hovel and there is a lot of discussion about whether to keep going towards the wall or turn around and go back to Rubitron. Everyone is still metamorphosing, the most dramatic being that Squire is now a creature of pure water. Someone recounts the conversation with Tindoro and Squire perks up to say “Someone fears me? Let’s go to Rubitron”. There are a lot of groans regarding this. The troupe seems pretty split on the issue of either leaving or staying. They have come within two miles of the wall. Halfway between lies a large carved rock jutting up. Hiding behind it a number of Gnylls. The Gnylls stay put. The troupe ignores the rock. After much arm twisting and complaining DurBur Duke turns the hovel around and heads back the way they came, back to the “Yon of Ofaz.

The hovel is not a fast mode of transport, so DurBur Duke stows it away inside his mindshack. Several personas have a high ground speed, so they trot, the rest are able to fly. The troupe travels for a full OTU past the homesteads and around the Cyclone Werks to within sight of the narrow opening that leads directly into the “Yon. The mile area in front of the opening is choked by Shroom Poppies, an odd red flower and fungus combination. They are covered in a whiteish powder which rubs off and clings to those on the ground. There is mild concern at first, but the powder is harmless.

Winged White Whale

Suddenly something rather large lurches up from the opening in the distance and is coming towards them on huge wings. The troupe has two full na-nutas before the thing is on them. Personas scurry around both on the ground and in the air. Chris Tle conjures a Wall of Razors hoping the beast will ram it. As the beast gets closer it becomes apparent just how large it is, the wingspan is 300 feet, the white whale body is 120 feet. It’s maw is a full 30 x 40 feet all by itself. It looked as if it were going to dive and molest those on the ground, but it pulls up instead to attack those in the air. The Winged White Whale does impact the Arcanist’s Wall of Razors. Huge strips of flesh are shredded off, however the beast seems to not even notice. Oda is flying (using rocket boots created by DBD) and deliberately powers himself directly into the creepazoids maw. He manages to avoid taking damage from the rows mini-van sized  teeth. Others who make eye contact turn away, realizing that to look into its eyes could prove deadly. The monster swings upward…

Until session 13!

Back to Session #11:

'Yon of Ofaz Session # 11

"I am too busy to heal"

"City of Diamonds"
NOTE the 'Yon of Ofaz in distance.

I have a couple of rules I use for my game.  

First, a player is allowed to play one persona at a time.

Second, if a player is not present during a particular session I contrive a logical way to temporarily shift them out of active play and into the background. I don’t like “playerless” bodies hovering around to be used as guinea pigs or back ups. The game should be played by players who are actually present.

Way back at the start of session #8 Simon and Robin were introduced into the game by being teletransported into the Cyclone Werks via a Smorkk. At the end of that session the troupe splits up. DurBur Duke, Lyn and Squire have had enough and decide to leave this place, while Simon and Robin choose to stay behind. The exploits of the former are well documented, so let's go back and follow Robin and Simon.

"Max"

"Shelby"

The huge 40 foot by 40 foot door slowly grinds down, sealing the pyramid. For a time, all is quiet. The two Smorkk Back-Trackers ponder their next move. They are on the ground level of the ancient technological place. Underneath tarpaulins a folded up conveyance which exhibits 1870’s era steamboat gingerbread detailing and massive 40’ diameter spoked wheels chokes the space. Higher above is the gyrating rotor blade hub. Orange swirls of energy dance from their tops to another smaller platform higher up. On it Mamiss is zooming from one control panel to another in literal blur. Above her, directly under the apex is a large floating brain suspended in a vortex of orange energy. 

Cyclone Werks Interior

Robin climbs into the the giant rotor/power transfer system swinging in slow circles above their heads.  Simon follows suit and clambers up under a tarpaulin on the side of the giant folded machine. As Robin perches on the rotating hub, Mamiss floats up suspended on her rocket boots. Using a voice randomly generated from page 5 of the core rule book (PLOOK or Peter Lori On an Opium Kick), Mamiss suggests that she will let them out if they will go back to their friends and get them to come back and try out her new invention. Robin says she would be interested if Mamiss will give them various magic goodies and the let her cut all her hair off.

After an awkward silence Mamiss leaves the pair and rockets away. On the platform just above Robin’s head the other Mamiss is still zooming around at terrific speed under the large floating brain. Robin shouts up to the brain “who are you”? A booming voice from above answers “I am 8-Cha-Ale”. A conversation of sorts follows in which we learn that 8-Cha-Ale is many hundreds of years old and a survivor of the old times. However, most of the answers were “I am not authorized to answer that question”. The pair head back down into the complex and back to the so called “fun” room. It is here that the Smorkk device that they teletransported inside the complex rests. By pressing a hidden stud and saying a special pass phase they hope to reenter the device and return back home. Their journey is a cut short when a monolocazoid miluetian runic coordinate ruptures and magically ejects them into the po-lane of real life where they are deposited in front of DurBur Duke. DBD is alone, Squire has retreated to his tub, Lyn is out scrounging in the fields. DBD has been pretty busy in the meantime and is in the process of retrofitting four giant legs with claws no the ends to the rock foundation of the Blorg homestead. Simon goes out into the homesteads fields looking for mice. Instead he finds a green bottle protruding out from underneath one of the korn sleds, but is unable to recover it. He brings back several ears of fresh korn to eat instead of the old slorg stew. DBD spends time bolting on the legs and cutting a giant hole in the hovels roof for a spherical control turret. It can extend and retract inside the cramped homestead. 

Simon relates to Robin and DBD that he saw a green glass bottle wedged under a korn sled out in the field. The group goes out to get it and after a bit of wrangling pry it loose. On the outside of the bottle is a bas-relief of a Beese. Inside is a large floating magical Rubicon. DBD grabs the bottle and tosses it quickly into his mind shack. He wants to pull out the cork, but decides it might be best to not open it while inside his mindshack. 

Green Bottle

Once the bottle is out in the real world, DBD pulls out the cork. The Rubicon flies out like a manic hummingbird and flutters about, taunting them just out of reach. The cork shrinks until it disappears. Someone jumps up to grab the magical gemstone, doing so causes a magical step to appear under their feet. Another jump yields another and steps are conjured until the mystical staircase leads upwards 25 feet. Just beyond the last step the Rubicon flits about tauntingly.

Blorgmobile

They are all tired from their visit to the “City of Diamonds”, DurBur Duke especially who somehow has been in single PHP digits for days. Without a word he climbs into the now spider-like Blorg hovel and begins walking it back to The Wall. After the first step towards freedom, the Blorgmobile immediately starts to lift up on two legs and tip...DBD forgot to cut the storm chains securing it to the ground. As the hovel lumbers away Robin and Simon jump on, now also headed back to civilization.

New "Larger" table!

Until Sunday, Sunday....Sunday!

Back to session #10

'Yon of Ofaz Session # 10

“Weaponize Me Later”

"Peon" is not a verb

Last time Lyn (a Gnyll Sneak), DurBurDuke (a Frubbar Schwartzer) and Squire (DurBurDuke’s Roboservant) left the fantastic “City of Diamonds” to seek shelter in the Blorg homestead. The plasma storm kept them holed up until the first lull between storm events. A group of 12 urks, seeking shelter surrounded the house. The thick rock walls kept them safe until the urks realized that a recent addition to the hovel (a small wooden bathroom) meant that a hole had been made in the stone wall. The urks began to rip this off, board by board. Realizing that their time might only be measured in mi-nutas, Squire was put into a robo-suit (called the Wrecking Ball), rolled outside and tasked to take care of the pesky urk problem. While mighty, the robot’s PHP was quickly reduced to zero. Seeing the writing on the wall, Lyn puts on DBD's rocket boots and gloves, grabs up DBD and escapes out the front door.

Left to right: DBD, Lyn & Squire

Lyn flies a gentle arc around the twelve urks jumping up and down on smashed bits of Squire now trapped in the crushed Wrecking Ball. DBD and Lyn are hatching a plan to retrieve the brain module of the robot. A plan is made and after a few slow circles they land on the hovels roof. A good thing too, as the urks had pulled out their bows. DBD begins to beg and plead with the urks to let them back into the hovel (the BA rain is due any time). Rad Bag (the urk leader) suggests that they will do this if DBD "become their slave for one year for each leg he has" (i.e., two). The urks start chanting “We want frog...we want frog” (in a distinctly soviet voice). DBD does some quick thinking and proposes that he build them a slave frog robot. The urks huddle for a quick conference. After a bit Rad agrees, but says “no tricky frog stuff”.

The BA rain is minutes away, so the troupe, Rad and two urk guards hole up in the tiny hovel. DBD retreats into his mind-shack to build the "frog" robo-slave. The first attempt is a total wreck and doesn’t work. Fortunately, he has a second one in crates for quick assembly. After a quick coat of green paint, a square face placard and some googly eyes, it’s ready to serve it’s new masters. There are still many minutes to go before the next calm and everyone (three urks, Lyn, DBD, Squire and the still wet with green paint rob-slave) all sit together in the one room hovel. It’s quiet...until one of the urks wonders what they should make their new slave do. After a lot of thinking they decide it should scratch an itch. There are some tense moments waiting to see if the robo-slave either 1) scratches the itch or 2) misses and pokes out someone’s eye.

What a 5 Nimbality looks like

The BA rain subsides. A period of stillness has begun. Rad the urk says “OK, you all go now. This our house”. DBD begins whining immediately, nearly stunning the proud cruel hard urk. Rad exclaims “Ok..ok..we now are the leaving” and all twelve urks scurry away. No time is lost, the troupe knows the Tarnodo portion of the mighty storm is still to come. Just as the wind picks up, they clamber back inside. 

Squire is inside DBD’s mind shack, helping to construct giant individual spider legs when an outside energy force starts to filter into his circuitry. It is completely unknown, ancient and powerful. He knows also can alter him chemically. It’s intent is unknown. After several mi-nutas (and still not knowing the intent of this force or it’s potential harm) Squire decides to let this alien thing into his circuitry with the understanding that he will be forever changed. This force of ancient programming breaks the bond of his robo-slavery to DurBurDuke...he has free will! But that’s not all...his body starts to change into pure liquid! During the change he feels a need to find a container and settles on blue plastic stackable bin. As all his body has now become water, he also knows he can no longer be inside his former masters mind shack and must leave immediately. Once out with his comrades in the tiny hovel he starts to experiment with his new form, seeing how big he can be, what shapes he can mimic, can he get hot or cold.... He expands to fill the room and while his two fellow travelers are inside him they feel a sort of healing. (It’s amazing to see how the newfound ability to heal affects old relationships). Lyn decides that she wants to lick him. The new Squire recoils from this, but not before she can get a good taste. 

Apparently licking things is a thing in my game

There is much discussion on the merits of being owned versus having free will. Not more than a few times the changed Squire uses his newfound Deep Triskelion voice to counter the arguments of his former master DurBurDuke. BDB continues to build giant spider legs to attach to the hovel turning into a vehicle to travel in this harsh land. As Squire waxes rhapsodic about being connected to this land and how he wants to stay and see more, DBD is mumbling how all he wants is to start his own circus...by the wall...

Technically there should be eight...

It's like homework, BUT FUN (don't tell your parents that
you are summoning demons. Trying to explain how you
could spin black plastic discs backwards will prove futile).

Onward NEXT WEEK. And no real demons, I PROMISE.

Forward to session #11

or

Go Back to session #9

'Yon of Ofaz Session # 9

Yes, Moisturizing Your Erasers is a Little Weird...

"City of Diamonds"

DurBurDuke, Lyn and Squire have had their fill of the so called “City of Diamonds”. As the massive 40 foot door on it's side un-yawns to a close, (leaving Robin and Simon to work out their own fate among the shiny hallways and Jacksonesque minions) they move as quickly as they can back to the safety of the Blorg homestead. This is the dead calm before the first phase of the storm. Lyn who has weathered at least 12 such weather events recalls that the average time of this first dead calm lasts 30 minutes. Moving at 120 feet per na-nuta puts their ETA at 50 minutes. Both Lyn and DBD notice that their bodies both have changed. Lyn is a full foot taller now and 100 ulbs heavier. DBD is also taller and heavier. Lyn’ fur is grayer, DBD is sprouting odd clumps of hair. Squires, the roboservant appears unchanged.

Lyn, Sqire and DBD. Look how clean the table is!

The trip back is uneventful, the calm is holding. The front door to the homestead is shut, no one is around. DurBurDuke politely knocks on the door. There is no reaction or sound from inside. However, both Lyn and DBD’s sense of smell has increased to such an extent that they can smell 13 zlogs inside. DBD unlocks the door, Squire goes in and scans the area with his flashlight eyes. Completely empty. Squire goes to the bathroom (an addition) and sees a tail peeking out of the rafters up above. He attempts to scramble up between the two walls, but falls with one foot in the commode. DBD comes in and in a loud voice addresses the hidden zlogs, informing them he knows they are there and what are they doing. The resident zlog (“Zlog”) says “they are having a meeting”. The troupe (mindful of the coming storm) suggests they have their get together in the barn. The zlogs hustle out.

The first plasma ball bursts from the ground and explodes in a ricochet of lightning bolts as the troupe secures the door. They search the tiny hovel, finding nothing, not even a hat. There is no food and the stove is cold. Squire volunteers to brave the plasma storm and goes outside to pick eight ears of Korn. The slave machine gets back unmolested and the troupe feasts on boiled Korn. Even Squire wants to “eat” and puts the Korn to his mouth slot.

Nearly a full gar-nuta passes and the plasma phase of the storm transitions to the second dead calm before the bowling ball sized rain. A short time passes and there is a knock at the door and a rattlely old voice saying “can you please help? Our wagon wheel has fallen off and I’m worried about my baby”. To which the troupe replies “why should we believe you”?  DBD throws together a quick periscope and snakes it out the tiny window to discover that the voice is coming from a group of 12 Urks. The troupe now tries a different tack and says “we don’t have anything and you should try the Blotts up the road”.

This makes the Urks more determined than ever, so they all start banging on and shaking the tiny stone shack. After all, it can weather the storms and Tarnodos, what are a few pesky Urks gonna do?  Besides, their stupid.

They wail away like heavy metal rockers for many a long deca-nuta. There is a pause after which the the troupe hears them focus their destructive attention onto the addition to the hovel, the tiny wooden bathroom. An outer wall was opened to add the modern convenience of a pour and release plumbing commode in a smart little wooden addition. These timbers are being systematically ripped away by the angry band of Urks and the troupe knows it is only a matter of time before they are going to be inside. DBD fashions another radio controlled explosive device. Next, DBD puts Squire’s head unit into a giant spherical fighting robut (called the "Wrecking Ball") which is then released outside to dispatch the Urks. No problemo.

The "Wrecking Ball"

Squire is quite powerful in the massive metal fighting machine and is able to smash a few of the Urks. But, in a couple of na-nutas, the Urk force is peeling away the fighting machines PHP systematically. From the discussions about whether Squire’s programming has been backed up illustrates that the troupe has come to grips with Urk numerical reality. Lyn puts on DBD’s rocket suit, grabs the not so tiny Frubber and rockets out the front door to safety. Circling the Blorg homestead they see that Squire is resting motionless and the Urks are posing on his hulk snapping victory pics with pocket orbs to share on The Social Medium.

Join us next time...

BTW, Pith has been updated to work better and the title of this session comes from one of the many interesting topics of conversation that can only be had playing Crypts-N-Creepies.

FORWARD to session #10...

...or go BACK to session #8...

'Yon of Ofaz Session #8

Your Collar Awaits:

Pretty!

Everyone falls asleep eventually. It brings rejuvenation and, “oh look now we are wearing these cool new collars”. They are a thin metal band (strange, no clip or fastener) and a dull translucent red triangle on the front.

A note on the players present. Our story of the exploration of the “City Of Diamonds” continues with Lyn, DurBurDuke and his faithful roboservant Squires. Many of the players are now away at college. The way I run, if an owning player isn’t present to play their character, a plot device is created to explain this. I don’t let players play more than one persona at a time so that there aren’t “extras” hanging around in the group (so called hirelings, or trap fodder). So, if your wondering why I’m not recording what Fred, Topper, Mortimer and Chris-Tle are doing, it's because they are getting a higher education. 

Left to right: Lyn, Robin, Simon, DBD and Squires.

DurBurDuke (DBD)  instructs his roboservant to attempt to try and remove its collar. No luck, the collar has been riveted to the machines metal neck and slipping out of it only activates a hidden mechanism which causes all wearers of the devices to be stunned and writhe in agony. DurBurDuke then commands the robot to crush the triangular device on the band around his neck. The faithful servitor puts his robot claw to his master’s neck and begins squeezing. The red triangle  cracks and gets white hot. Before it can burn a hole through his throat the roboservant tosses it to the floor where it melts. Without pausing, work begins on removal of the roboservants collar.

Robin Froth

Simon Snakeman

Meanwhile, a pair of Smorkk Back Checkers* have teletransported into the complex via a TSL* (Teleportal Seed Link) attached to one of the “City of Diamonds” many victims. The first is a Hume dressed much like the ninja (page 13 of the core rule book) who calls herself Robin Froth. The other is Humanoid shaped bag of 101 snakes calling himself Simon Snakeman. This creature pines to become “a real boy”. These two have a history together as competitors in the the hit crystal orb show “Freedonian Ninja”. Allegedly, Simon lost to Robin because she cheated. But, bygones are bygones and they are now friends working together for Smorkk* collecting unpaid product delivery. Shortly after appearing Lyn (the Gynll) enters the room. After some quick introductions they all decide to go up a few levels in the futuristic complex and meet up with the rest of the troupe.

* Smorkk, Smorkk Back Checkers & TSL

The three press the chime on DurBurDukes door. They find the two making various plans to get the remaining collar off Squires, the robot butler. They only have a few moments of peace before four red and black leather clad minions show up behind them, all holding open collars to place onto the bare necks of the newbies. A struggle breaks out, the minions of Mamiss are blasted by an EMP gun, bitten by at least one snake and another is sucked into a magical bag. Simon uses the miracle Blow Smoke to cause confusion so they can all run into the egg shaped elevator. Upon reaching the main floor, they exit into the main work space. It is filled with a gigantic folded up conveyance measuring 40x40x120 ft. It has two 40 foot diameter wheels and gingerbread styling like the kind typically found on a 1860’s era steamboat. As the group skulks around, Mamiss glides in on her boot jets, followed by six of her leather clad and helmited minions, all holding collars of obedience. DBD steps out, points the EMP weapon at the folded up machine and says “Let us leave or I’ll destroy your invention”.

Mamiss

Mamiss laughs not unlike Peter Lorre on an opium kick (page 5 of the core rule book). She invites DBD to destroy the machine. She wonders aloud if he has the guts to destroy something so beautiful. Finally she offers the group the chance to pilot the machine in a test run across the mighty Aanssk Desert. The troupe mulls the offer offer over for a few seconds and DBD answers “no, we just want to leave". Mamiss is somewhat disappointed and disgusted. The huge 40 foot door on the side of the pyramid slowly rises as Mamiss and the minions turn and disappear. Outside a new storm is brewing. It is unclear how much time there is until the plasma balls begin rising from the ground and exploding in ricocheting electrical bolts. (For the proper effect insert a random # of groans here). DBD and Squires jump onto the Krag board and head back towards the Blorg homestead. Lyn follows. The two newbies, Simon and Robin decide to stay within the mighty pyramid.

Until next time!

(Below are my further notes on Smorkk:)

FORWARD link to Session #9

or

BACKWARD to session #7

'Yon of Ofaz Session #7

Talking Like Peter Lorre On An Opium Kick or YES, IT'S A TRAP:

The troupe L to R: Mortimer, Squire, Oda, DurBurDuke,
Topper, Fred, Chris-Tle, Olga and Lyn.

It seemed like ages ago that this group was sipping garlic wine from ceramic tiki glasses high above The Wall on the Razorbait. A few days of adventuring somehow seems stretched into weeks. No matter, the fateful words of the server who brought that last fateful round of adult beverages now rings out “...oh look down there, that’s the City of Diamonds beyond The Wall, a vast unexplored place of riches from which no one has ever returned”. And now here it it is, gleaming brightly on the horizon, twinkling like a tired sequin on Liberace's blazer. A few short hours of trekking brings it full on, or at least the red glowing triangles that surround its perimeter. It’s been a long night, even the Urks are anxious to heal back a few personal health points the old fashioned way. The fabulous riches can wait.

The morning brings the bounty of a few PHP for everyone. As the sun rises the red glow is suddenly replaced with the stark white light rebounding off the polished metal surfaces of the triangle farm surrounding the cities base. The heat is palpable, small winged creatures which fly into the area are instantly microwaved, some of the carcasses plummet and disappear between the triangles, others simply vaporize instantly. The heat wiggles it’s way upwards around the massive featureless gray pyramid. Halfway up the pyramid is a 200 foot diameter rotor. It swings around the circumference like a derelict ceiling fan. The air is thick and no one has moved for at least a full deca-nuta, staring at this monstrous bland structure. It is featureless, mostly because it’s been a long adventure and features take a certain amount of energy to describe.

Cyclone Werks

Suddenly, without even a quick text to speech, Topper rockets upward on mechanical wings. Picking up speed the hat circles above the pyramid and then swoops down and disappears into the massive structure. Sadly, what transpired will have to remain secreted away within the minds of those involved. After several deca-nutas Topper returns to the troupe. Normally DurBurDuke and the hat are able to share what they see and say via patented Schwartzpunk technology, however while inside the structure Topper turned off the signal feed. Some things are just private, I guess. 

Some more awkward prodding from the group and it’s becoming clear that the hat lives inside the structure to serve the master there. She explains that “bipeds can’t go inside the way I do, but there is a path”. The group works its way around the edge of the triangular mirror farm and indeed, there is a gap between the mirrors wide enough for a single person to squeeze their way through. One would think the excitement of the vast riches of the “city of diamonds” would elicit excitement from the group, instead they all look as if they are being forced to watch all 90 minutes of Strange Brew. 

I think I "unremembered" this part

The Urks look nervous, the group taunts them in the usual manner (manhood, Urkhood, creepyhood, etcetera) but the social pressure is not enough to get them to go any further even for the “looting and killing”. With promises to meet in Urkey and have some soup, they quickly leave the area. A few members of the troupe begin the single file march at 1/10th their normal walking speed into the mirror farm. It only takes a few missed Nimbality checks and laser ray blasts from automated sentry boxes to encourage the group to not try to get in that way. Chris-Tle, discovers that the Arcanist spell Invisibility actually allows light to pass through the affected creatures body, so it would seem this side effect of the magic would negate the negative harm of the sun’s rays in the mirror farm. After some quick computations the Arcanist calculates that he has enough MERP to cast the spell on everyone for at least a full deca-nuta, certainly long enough to move the 100 feet or so to the base of the pyramid. After a few rude hand gestures, the whole troupe is invisible and individually making their way into the mirror zone.

Typical Notes

No plans were made beforehand on coordination and since nobody can see anyone else, it’s every creature for themselves. Mortimer discovers a gigantic Hairy Mormon wearing a black and white striped shirt on his way in. The creep can’t see him, but taunts him using a ridiculous accent. Mortimer is able to easily avoid the monster. A giant partial carcass of a flying whale is also discovered and avoided. After a few mi-nutas everyone has flattened themselves around the perimeter of the gray stone pyramid. Again, even close up it is pretty featureless, no windows doors, cracks, ornamentation or gross textures. Some attempts are made to scale the 40 feet up the severe incline to the rotor gap, these pretty much ended poorly. The Arcanist moves around the perimeter and discovers a single seam running from the ground upwards. DurburDuke dons his jet gloves and boots to fly up to the rotor opening. At the same time, Topper zooms out and flies around the pyramid top to signal her master to open the door so everyone can go in.

Look...Daylight!

Where the Arcanist discovered the seam, a colossal 40x40 foot door crawls upward. Now visible, everyone hastens to get inside. Everyone is on the ground floor other than DurBurDuke, who is hovering in the middle of the machine choked space. On the ground level a giant conveyance with 40 foot wheels lays folded up, above the exposed mechanism of the rotor. Green bolts of energy fly off metal balls mounted on the arms up into metal grid work chamber where the masters silhouette can be seen. There are many other humanoid figures about, all moving oddly. All are dressed the same, red and black Michael Jackson leather motorcycle suits, boots, gloves and helmets covering the whole head. As they stand taking this in the door slowly reverses itself and Topper flies straight to the master to perch on her head.

If you were another Crypt Lord I might say at this point “the hook has been set”. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. No one seem at all terrified. No complaining, or crying, indeed not even one short huffy sigh. Sometimes the world is perfect.

MaMiss

At this point, everyone had questions of the master of this place, questions answered obliquely using NPP voice type 0, described as PLOOK or “Peter Lorre On an Opium Kick”. (This can be found on page 5 of the core rule book). Not much was learned...the masters name is MaMiss, the place is called the Cyclone Werks, MaMiss is happy to entertain guests but far too busy to interact with them. In between all the rambling answers imagine a short high pitched laugh, not unlike Smedley from the Wacky Racers, but much slower and menacing. MaMiss was a surprised that the hat has friends now, this certainly is a new development! The master then jets back up into the apex to join the giant brain suspended in the clear globe and a version of herself moving at nearly x50 times faster than normal to operate various devices. Insert some exposition about being inside MaMiss'es Mind Shack. That's against the rules, right?

Put on the back of a player

The humanoid minions then appear with soft robes and pillows and start yawning and pantomiming sleep. There is an elevator, inside 6 identical buttons, Fred pushes the bottom most. Immediately red lights and klaxons sound...but no one looks particularly bothered. Fred and Topper ride the floating egg shaped elevator down to the forbidden floor. The door open to reveal a small round smooth chamber dominated by a large cylindrical object in the center surrounded by four shiny pipes that connect it to the walls. The other players seem nervous, Fred and Topper walk around, get back in the elevator and go to the next button up, the “Fun” room. This room is much larger with spa stations, alabaster fur rugs and settees, dessert stations and a disco ball in the center. The gravity in the room allows those inside to walk on any flat surface. After a while poking around, followed by minions with drinks and a GQ magazine, Fred finds a bleached hume skeleton in one of the spa machines. Chris-Tle uses his skill Gut Feeling to ask me if this room is a trap. I had to take a breath here, after a moment I said YES. YES, THIS ROOM IS A TRAP. There wasn’t any hurry, everyone left the room so find accommodations in one of the many empty staterooms on the other levels. Chris-Tle stayed in the work area above and played Canasta with three minions. DurBurDuke constructs a gas detecting unit so he can sleep. Mortimer builds one for Fred. It’s been a long day...eventually everyone falls asleep.

Again, one never assumes, but the perfect moment (see above) ended up being stretched much longer than I thought. I like to imagine a large pink bubble of chewing gum slowly expanding…

Almost looks like a Jacque Louis David painting...

A huge thanks to these amazing players. Well played, huge fun, and lots of laughing about the oddest things. Sometimes I forgot that I had been playing for over 30 years. This was the last big hurrah for most of them before they start college. One of them is my oldest, going to Indiana somewhere. My hope is when they are back, they may still want to play. There will always be a place for them. 

This game will continue in a week or so…

Until the next!

FORWARD to 'Yon of Ofaz Session #8

or

BACWARD to session #6